WATCH OUT
by Chrisse
Summary: What happens when you mix various Marvel Comics characters with a random stereotypically omnipotent cosmic being in human guise? Well here's what I thnk would happen
1. Prolouge

WATCH OUT PROLOUGE BY: Christopher The Otaku  
  
Recently in A Universe far, far away there was omnipotent creatures called Beholders who were much similar to Watchers. The Beholders was assigned by The True One Above All the Omniverse, to gather knowledge from that Universe to tell on for whatever purpose he had on mind.  
  
The first Beholder to oppose The One Above All, was given the code: B77CC. He was tired of just watching the Universe and broke the highest law of The One Above All. It was not killing, or starting an intergalactic war, it was simply drinking alchoholic liquid.  
  
B77CC was banned into the Limbo, and his part of the Univers was destoyed as an extra adding to the sinister events.  
  
In the Limbo he found A being known as Limbo-Bobo, who taght him how to use his omnipotence to trick ignorant mortals into ridiculing themselves.  
  
And so the Beholder journeyed to Earth and took the guise of Dr. Ey. 


	2. Staredevil

WATCH OUT # 1: Staredevil By: Christopher the Otaku  
  
"Well.."  
  
Matt Murdok looked up at the docter.  
  
"Yes doctor.. What is your conclusion"  
  
"Mr. Murdok i'm sorry to say this but.. You need a pair of glasses!"  
  
"Six hours of checking my reflekses and you say i need glasses"  
  
"Hey. who's the doctor here"  
  
"I've asked myself that question alot of times the last six hours doc. haven't you realised?"  
  
"Realised what.?"  
  
"The sunglasses the plastic cane.."  
  
"Where is this leading mr. Murdok?"  
  
"I'M FREAKIN' BLIND, DAMMIT"  
  
"Oh.there's another excellent reason for you to wear glasses"  
  
"Glasses won't help A damn thing.cuz i'm blind!!"  
  
"That's just something you say because you're afraid"  
  
"Hey they don't call me the man without fear for for nothin'!"  
  
"Well then i suppose you're not afraid of me suing you either"  
  
"You're talking to a lawyer.."  
  
TWO WEEKS LATER.. Murdok and Dr. Ey are standing outside a courthouse, and murdoks face is ten times as red as his Daredevil costume.  
  
"Well Mr. Murdok. now that i have beaten you in what you do best I suppose you will surrender and wear these glasses"  
  
"Gaaaaaaah.for Christs sake.give me those damn things"  
  
"Now.do you fell any better"  
  
"Hell no. wait.the darkness is disappearing. I CAN SEE"  
  
"Yes Mr. Murdok i'm happy for you, and now that you can see.I suppose you will keep an eye on that truck loaded with radioactive liqiud, heading right for you"  
  
"Huh?.what truckfull of.. GAAAAAAAAAAAH"  
  
CRASH  
  
"I guess i'll be seeing him again sooon"  
  
  
  
To be continued 


	3. Glasslactus part 1 of 3

WATCH OUT # 2:  
  
Glass-Lactus  
  
PART 1 BY: CHRISTOPHER THE OTAKU  
  
The tall heroic figure dressed in red stepped into the room, his hair was bigger than his face and ebony black.  
  
"Do you have an appointment mister"  
  
"Name's not mister.it's Son-Goku" The figure replied  
  
"And what seems to be your problem"  
  
"My wife.she just told me to get in here.but i wanted to save the world from that ugly mutant-cyborg from a third timeline"  
  
"Fred Flintstone?"  
  
"No.Think his names Cell or sumtin'.anyway my wife told me i could save the universe from annihilation later and concentrate on getteing a pair of glasses"  
  
"Yes mr.Goku but since you are neither a DC or Marvel character i see myself forced to throw you out of my office"  
  
"DC.Marvel?" Goku pulled out a map from a pocket in his red gi "Oh sorry i'm in the wrong universe, won't happen again Dr. Ey"  
  
Stupid japanese manga charcters thinking they are better than us western made ones" was Dr. Eys words as the strengely drawn character changed hair- color and flew out the window. But unfortunately, the window was closed and Goku fell to the ground. "Whichever universe you come from it seems like you haven't invented doors yet!"  
  
  
  
"Next is mr. Galctus,devourer of worlds" Ey looked around in the waiting room but nobody seemed to answer, until a monstrous crash was heard. A giant finger had drilled through the wall "Mr.Galactus?"  
  
"THAT IS I FOR SO SPEAKS GALACTUS" answered a giant head from the other side of the wall. "What the hell are you doing out there, mister"  
  
"JUST LETTING THE FANTASTIC FOUR PUT A FEW 100 MEGATON BOMBS UP MY."  
  
"Whats that? No finer word for ass?"  
  
"Aaaaw.what the hell ASS, FOR SO SPEAKS THE MIGHTY GALACTUS"  
  
"Stop reffering to yourself in third person"  
  
"SORRY, FOR SO SPEAKS THE MIG.UH . ME"  
  
"Good enough, now just get into my office"  
  
The doctor walked into his office only focusing on his clipboard. Finally looking up he found nobody inside the room.  
  
"Mr. Galactus?"  
  
Another giant crash was heard as one of the devourers mighty fingers crackad an enormus hole in the wall. Dr. Ey thought it might be wisest to just get rid of him as quick as possible.  
  
"So.erh.you want a pair og glasses"  
  
"AYE, FOR SO SPEAKS."  
  
"OK, I GET IT, I GET IT, just take these"  
  
Ey picked up a pair of sunglasses from the floor and threw them to the devourer.  
  
"THESE ARE AT LEAST 20 TIMES TOO SMALL FOR ME"  
  
"I won't charge you for anything"  
  
"AND IT IS SUNGLASSES, RIGHT?"  
  
"Is that a detail that matters if you a a lollipop?"  
  
"NO.BUT IT SAYS MATT MURDOCK HERE."  
  
"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE."  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	4. Glasslactus part 2 of 3

WATCH OUT #3:  
  
Glass-lactus  
  
Part 2  
  
By: Christopher the otaku  
  
Galactus, wearing his new sunglasses, leaned back in his chair in his worldship. Then a feeling struck him that he had not felt for uncountable years. Hel felt like reading a good book.  
  
"I feel like reading a good book"  
  
The Devourer of worlds walked over to his cosmic book shelf (yeah, right) and looked at the many books, well mostly it was comics.  
  
"Let's see what do we have here.Eating planets for idiots ;How to eat a dead moon, without making it taste like rock ;Avoid getting gassy by eating gas giants; Suns are excellent grills ;Fantastic Four annual.what the hell.;Don't invite people for dinner, have them for dinner ;Play with the Teletubbies ;Why non-humanoid beings make you gassy ;101 ways to destroy the Avengers, or rather getting destroyed yourself ;Green is the color of homos ;Where we would be today without Jehovas Witnesses ;101 ways of making DC go broke. Oh this looks interesting: Not making Mars too spicy."  
  
Just as the Mighty Galactus was about to sit down his chair again, a familiar being let himself show.  
  
"SILVER SURFER.What the fu.i mean.WHAT IS THY DOING HERE, THE MIGHTY GALACTUS HAS STRICLY FORBADEN THEE TO EVER AGAIN ENTER THE WORLDSHIP OF THE MIGHTY GALACTUS, FOR SO SPEAKS THE MIGHTY GALACTUS"  
  
"I got tired of saving humanity, they can save themselves for once"  
  
"AND THAT IS THE REASON WHY THANOS IS TOASTING NEW JERSEY"  
  
"That and the fact that The Avengers won ten days on Bermuda"  
  
"YES, BUT WHY DID YOU SEEK GALACTUS"  
  
"Well theres not manydudes in new york who want's to hire a guy with silver skin"  
  
"I SEE"  
  
"Hey, that's A pair of very cool sunglasses Galactus, where'd you get'em"  
  
"WHERE GALACTUS HAS AQUIRED THESE IS OF NO IMPERTANCE, WHAT MATTERS IS THAT WITH THEYR HELP, I MANAGED TO REALIZE SOMETHING OF GREAT IMPORTANCE!"  
  
"That you always refer to yourself in third perosn?"  
  
"NO, WHAT GALACTUS HAS REALIZED IS THAT HE HAS BEEN TRAVELLING ACROSS THE UNIVERS WITH A NAKED PERSON FOR EONS."  
  
"The guy in the freezer on the 630nd floor"  
  
"WHAT GUY IN THE FREEZER ON THE 630ND OF FLOORS"  
  
"Nevermind"  
  
"THE NAKED ONE IS YOU. NORRIN RADD THE SILVER SURFER"  
  
"Great, billions of years of travelling with the dude and first now he realized that i was naked all the time"  
  
"THE WORLD DEVOURER IS PUZZLED"  
  
"I thougth it would turn you on"  
  
"GALACTUS IS NOT GAY"  
  
"WHAT, ya gotta be kiddin' me, you wear purple clothes and a skirt, one could mistake you'r name for GAYlactus, and i've noticed te funny way you look at Mister Fantastic"  
  
"THE WORLD DEVOURER ONLY BEHOLDS MR. FANTASTIC FUNNY, BECAUSE OF THE FUNNY COLOR HIS HAIR HAS"  
  
"Two objections, there are 1 billion other peolple on The Earth who have that haircolor, and i've seen you look funny at his crotch too"  
  
"OUT OF MY DAMN SHIP YOU LITTLE LOAD OF SILVERCRAP"  
  
"Okay, but i want those cool sunglasses"  
  
"HERE, RECEIVE THEM"  
  
"Whoopi"  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	5. Glasslactus part 3 of 3

WATCH OUT #4: Glass-lactus Part 3  
  
By: Christopher the Otaku  
  
It was a normal and quiet day/night/whatever in the Univers. The Silver Surfer was . well . surfing around, nearing the planet Earth.  
  
"Hey these sunglasses make me look really cool, no one will ever suspect me of being gay"  
  
While these words were spoken, a UFO flew by the surfer.  
  
"Look at that surfer guy" said one of the passengers.  
  
"He's got to be gay" another added.  
  
"Dammit" cursed the surfer.  
  
  
  
ONE EARTH HOUR LATER. The Surfer approached a beach somewhere in southeren Europe.  
  
"This place looks ideal to test the effect of my new sunglasses"  
  
"Silver Surfer"  
  
"Who the hell was that?"  
  
"It was I, Dr. Ey, also known as The Beholder" said a humanoid form wearing a 30s-style bathing suit for men.  
  
"Yeah but where the hell do you know my name from"  
  
"I see all, and i know all about you, Norrin Radd"  
  
"All.you mean. also when I go to the bathroom and how i look naked"  
  
"YOU ARE NAKED, and besides, what kind of perverted nearly-omnipotent extra- dimensional being do you think I am?"  
  
"Dunno, jus' you'r everyday perverted nearly-omnipotent extra-dimensional being"  
  
".Correct, and i can give you some juicy info on what A Beyonder looks like naked!"  
  
"Do you think i'm gay"  
  
"I KNOW that you are gay"  
  
"Dammit, was Galactus the only idiot in the damn Marvel Universe who didn't know"  
  
"Very likely"  
  
"Well.whatever. what are you you doin' here anyway"  
  
"I sell sunglasses to people"  
  
"So you've seen about everybody here."  
  
"yup"  
  
"Any handsome boys?"  
  
"yup"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Yup"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Yup"  
  
"TELL ME WHERE THE HELL THEY ARE YOU LOUSY NEARLY OMNIPOTENT ASSHOLE"  
  
"OK, OK, calm down, there are some surfing out in the water there"  
  
"SURFING, it's gotta be my lucky day today"  
  
"But, erh Surfer." But the Surfer was too far away to hear the doctor, and soon screams was to emerge from his person.  
  
"AARRRGH, WATER..RUST.AAAARGH"  
  
"And the morale of this story is: Never go out surfing if you are a 2 meters tall Cosmic being made of silver that has not ben treated against rust"  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	6. Superman is Clark Kent, Part 1 of 2

WATCH OUT #5:  
  
Superman is Clark Kent  
  
Part 1  
  
"Well mr. National Superhero Person." Said Dr. Ey  
  
"Yes" Said Superman  
  
"You need glasses"  
  
"What!"  
  
"Well we can't have you peeking at people with that X-ray vision of yours, can we"  
  
"I only used it when it is vital"  
  
"Well, well then you might be able to explain to me what you are always doing outside Lois Lanes apartment at night with that drooling look on your face"  
  
"That was.uhm.vital"  
  
"Well, if your pervertry is "vital" then I might just as well announce it to the whole world"  
  
"NO, DON'T"  
  
"Then wear these glasses"  
  
"Damn"  
  
ONE HOUR LATER, METROPOLIS  
  
"Can't believe that moron actually made me wear these glasses" Superman said, and tossed away the glasses  
  
"I SEE ALL, SUPERMAN, DO NOT DEFY THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER"  
  
"What the hell."  
  
"WEAR THOSE GLASSES AGAIN OR FEEL MY ANGER"  
  
"Allright, allright keep your pants on"  
  
"GOOD, AND NOW YOU'RE AT IT, BRING ME A BURGER FROM THE MCFLY, OR FEEL MY ANGER"  
  
"Dammit"  
  
So the Man of Steel flew put his glasses on and flew off to the McFly part of McDonalds, to get The Beholder A burger, as the flash of a camera hit his eyes. Below him stood Peter Parker, with A camera and a smile on his lips.  
  
"What the Hell"  
  
"Finally I have the evidence to proof Supermans little secret" said the photographer.  
  
"Oh, Shit" said The Man of Steel  
  
Parker ran away with Superman hot on his trails. He then suddenly stopped at a dead end, and so did Superman.  
  
"There is no escape, give me the camera"  
  
"Just A minute, DC-Jackass" The photographer said fondling with the zipper in his pants. "Uh could you please look away"  
  
"Of course" The Hero said and did.  
  
"OK you can turn around now" And The Man of Tommorow did.  
  
"Holy Cripes, what did you do to Parker" Superman said, observeing Spider- man.  
  
"Man, you're A real cementhead, no wonder that your underwear is outside your clothes"  
  
"Hey, these are kryptonesian designer trousers, last scream from Krypton"  
  
"Last scream is for sure, the whole planet blew up"  
  
"Hey, those are very hurting words to me"  
  
"Yeah right, your people died, but you were so young that you could do nothin' but shit in your "designer-trousers" and cry"  
  
"I demand that we solve this as true men"  
  
"Allright Alien-Asshole"  
  
The views of the two heroes meet each other in a icy glare, they both slowly raise theire fist, up above their shoulder. And then, within the blink of an eye, the two fists flew down until they were right next to eachother.  
  
"Rock" said the Man of Steel  
  
"Paper" replied The Spider  
  
"DAMMIT" cursed the one dressed in blue.  
  
"That means that i'm allowe to escape"  
  
And so The Webspinner did  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	7. Superman is Clark Kent, Part 2 of 2

WATCH OUT #6:  
  
Superman is Clark Kent  
  
Part 2  
  
"I always thoguht my uncle to be A wise gut" Said Spider-Man as he slinged across city. " But then.the sucker got killed, and have you ever heard of any wise guys who died saying A such stupid things as "With great power comes great responsibility" I mean.c'mon"  
  
The Webspinner was being interviewed for Heroes (The Superhero version of "Cops") And he was very proud of it.  
  
"OK mr. Spider-Man, but if you could just please swing A little slower, or find A car to drive, then it would be alot easier to tape you" Said A gut from the Camera Crew.  
  
"Are you indicating that I swing to fast" The Wallcrawler asked  
  
"Nononono" The Camera man replied  
  
"Are you then indicating that I'm SLOW" Spider-Man roared and started beating up the poor guy. A pair of other gut from the camera crew dragged him away.  
  
"I hope that Freakin' teaches you to not say that I'm damn slow, you little piece of shit" The hero shouted. Suddenly, as out of nowhere, A figure dressed in red an blue landede on the ground in front of him. "Supes, short time no see"  
  
"The you is completely yours, Marvel-Maniac, I have come to let solve our problem with the camera, as real men"  
  
"We have tried Scissors/Paper/Rock Supes, what else is there to try"  
  
  
  
ONE WEEK LATER AR THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW  
  
"Hi, folks today we have two superheroes, Superman and Spicer-man" said Springer  
  
"It's Spider-Man you numbskull" Shouted the Marvel Hero  
  
"Whatever" said the talkshow host "These people have A conflict, Spasser- Man knows who Pooperman really is, and wants to reaveal it to the public, but Gooperman won't allow it"  
  
"Correct, Jerry, except the pert with my name" replied the hero.  
  
"Now as." The host said, but was iterrupted by the shouts of Spider-Man  
  
"Superman is agy.DC is GAY"  
  
"Not true"  
  
"Then exxplain why you are always running around in those spandex- underpants"  
  
"We have discussed that, it's Kryptonesian designer pants"  
  
"Calm down everone, you are acting like children" Said the talkshow host.  
  
"We're not"  
  
"Are too"  
  
"Are not"  
  
"Are too"  
  
"Are not"  
  
"Are too"  
  
"Stop thine madness at once" Said A voice "For Thor Odinson is present" Everybody muted.  
  
  
  
SIX MINUTES LATER  
  
"Well Supes, it took the toasting of Thor and all Hollywood, but now we have finally come to an agreement"  
  
"Yes, Spider-Man, you promise not to reaveal my secret identity, and I promise that there will be no more crossovers with the two of us"  
  
"Your secret is safe with me" Spider-Man said and they shook hands, as they we're blinded by the flash of a camera flashlight.  
  
"Finally, now I, Jimmy Olsen, will reveal Super-Mans secret identity" The human boy who had taken the picture said, as he ran away.  
  
"Say, Spider-Man, what is it that reaveals my secret"  
  
"Simple, you wear glasses and thereby look just like your Alter Ego"  
  
"Damn"  
  
".You look just like David Letterman"  
  
"...WHAT???"  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	8. The One Above All

WATCH OUT #7:  
  
One Above Al(l)  
  
"Let's see." the doctor said and looked at his clipboard "I have appointment now with A certain mr. One Above All, and I have made A dead skull next to his name... I wonder." He was interrupted by A loud crash. "Dammit, I had just gotten that wall repaired from when Galactus' last visit"  
  
There was A great hole in the wall, made by A giant finger breaking through it.  
  
"DR. EY?" A loud voiced asked from the other side of the wall.  
  
"Yes, that is me. And you must be.Mr. One Above All"  
  
"NO JUST ONE ABOVE AL!"  
  
"One Above AL?"  
  
"YES, I GOT KICKED OUT OF THE CELESTIALS FOR STOMPING DOWN TO MANY HOUSES, SO ALL I HAVE LEFT TO RULE IS MY BUTLER AL"  
  
"You mean Al, like in Alfred"  
  
"THAT DOES NOT MATTER"  
  
"Not matter, like in Anti-Matter"  
  
"JUST GIVE ME WHAT I SEEK, AND I WILL NOT SEND ARISHEM THE JUDGE FOR YOU"  
  
"Is he A judge who can be bribed"  
  
"SIMPLY GIVE ME WHAT I SEEK, AND I WILL SPARE THIS PLANET OF YOURS"  
  
"You mean planet like in.planet"  
  
"JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN THINGS YOU LITTLE MOTAL PIECE OF SHIT"  
  
"What is it that you want"  
  
"I DO NOT KNOW, WHAT DO YOU HAVE"  
  
"Glasses"  
  
"THEN GIVE ME A PAIR OF THESE OBJECTS CALLED GLASSES"  
  
"Right away.here you go, sir.wait sir I have just noticed something very important"  
  
"YES, WHAT IS IT"  
  
"You don't have any eyes"  
  
"YES, AND YOUR POINT IS."  
  
"Didn't you see the sign outside saying: ONLY ENTER IF YOU HAVE EYES"  
  
"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO SO, WHEN I DO NOT POSSES EYES"  
  
"How good this point may be.I see myself forced to ask you to leave"  
  
"NOBODY REJECTS THE ONE ABOVE ALL"  
  
"But you are the One Above Al"  
  
"GOOD POINT, LOGICS ALWAYS MANAGE TO BEAT COSMIC OMNIPOTENCE"  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	9. Cyclops, Part 1

WATCH OUT #8:  
  
CYCLOPS  
  
PART 1  
  
"Next is. Mr. En Saba Nur"  
  
"That is I, human who has not beeen blessed with the gift of mutantkind"  
  
"Sure,sure just follow me.Now mr. Nur.why are you hiding behind that table"  
  
"I am waiting to ambush Scott Summers alias Cyclops, who I have heard should appear here arounf this time of the day"  
  
"Ok, want me to call him"  
  
"Yes, human who has not been blessed with the gift of mutantkind"  
  
"Whatever you just said, I think it was meant as an insult"  
  
"Just call him okay"  
  
"Okay"  
  
"Okay"  
  
"Okay"  
  
"Okay"  
  
"Okay"  
  
"JUST GO, DAMMIT"  
  
"Is there A Scott Summers present"  
  
"That's me"  
  
"If you could please follow me"  
  
"Is Apocalypse trying that ole' "hide behind the table and ambush"-trick again"  
  
"You bet"  
  
"Then what am I waiting for"  
  
The two figures walked into the other room and Cyclops immeadietly noticed Apocalypse  
  
"Aww man, Pokky what are you doing, you tried that trick 400 times now"  
  
"Not true, I've only tried it 389 times, including this"  
  
"Great for you, now get out"  
  
"Can't you just act like you A little surpirsed when I ambush you in A few minutes"  
  
"Will it make you happy?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Then, okay"  
  
"Wooohoo"  
  
"Now mr. Winters-"  
  
"Summers"  
  
"You're the guest star, it's seems that you have been wearing either those fancy eye things that Professor X gave you in nearly all of you appearances, so you need A little alternation. Here take Matt Murdoks sunglasses"  
  
In that very moment, Apocalypse jumped out from behind the tbale and Cyclops turned around, tared away his sunglasses and toasted Apocalypse  
  
"That is just another reason for you to wear these, take off your old ones"  
  
"Okey Dokey"  
  
"GAAAAAAAAAAH, SON OF A. YOU BLASTED A HOLE RIGHT TRHOUGH ME, YOU GOD DAMNED ASSHOLE"  
  
"Holy Shit, how can you still be alive"  
  
"Thats childs play for every Omnipotent extra-dimensional being"  
  
"Whaddaya mean, yu look just like A human"  
  
"That hasn't stopped anybody in this Universe from being an alien yet"  
  
"Oh, right"  
  
"Now go, it is not very healthy to be around me when i'm mad"  
  
"I see.I'll go"  
  
"Wait"  
  
"What"  
  
"Don't forget your sunglasses"  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


End file.
